Video Game Review: Mario’s Time Machine

March 24th, 2008 by Buff Drinklots

Mario’s Time Machine. We have all heard of it. The game part of a series of mario games that Nintendo made to put education into video games. Too bad that most of the games ended up getting low scores and some fans just don’t want to acknowledge it at all. Yet when we were little, we ended up buying 2 of these mario learning games, Mario’s Missing and Mario’s Time Machine. I do remember running around in both for until I got bored of the game.

Mario’s Time Machine is different from the Princess is gone, UH OH GET HER, it’s about Bowser is in possession of a time machine. He went back in time to steal many artifacts from the past, and placed them in what he would consider “…the greatest museum of all time”. If the items aren’t returned soon, history will be changed permanently. It’s up to Mario to stop Bowser from completing his collection. That I gathered from Wikipedia directly.

Now, the gameplay is simple, grab an artifact, go back in time and play the GREATEST PART OF THE GAME. More about the greatest later. You arrive in the time period and the game asks you to fill out the general sentence and fill in the blanks. It’s multiple choice so you’ll scroll though a list of choices you gather from asking people in the time period or raw knowledge. If you do not know what anything is, you’ll find yourself flipping through 30 some what odd choices over and over again until you get it right. It does get kind of tedious and boring but it’s learning if you didn’t know it before.

The Idea that Nintendo was trying to get was smart. Video games back then were generally considered a waste of time, “You won’t get anywhere with these games” and whatever else Westwood college tells you that your mom was wrong about. Nintendo’s approach was to add learning elements to what kids are attracted to, Mario. Add them both together, then the kids will play, help out Mario and solve questions and such. If they cared, they’d learn about history.

Otherwise, the greatest part in the game, in my opinion would be the surfing minigame. No, seriously. It’s fun. It’s the SNES version that I’m talking about. NES took the surfing out and the DOS surfing is not as engaging and fun as the SNES edition’s. The music even goes right. Mode7 graphics, it’s all done very well. When I was a kid, I would enjoy just surfing collecting Mushrooms and listening to the music. Yes, the music is in my mp3 player, so what?

I give this game a 6/10. It’s a learning game, for kids. The surfing gave the score 3 extra points however. Yet, the surfing cannot save it completely, since it isn’t a surfing game. They need to make that part of the game independent someday. Oh well.


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Dethklan turns 1 today!

March 21st, 2008 by Dr. Gay Glenn, PhD, CEO, KBE, Esq.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DETHKLAN!



The Anti-DMing Squad vs Gay Glenns (1st Year Extravaganza Raid)

March 16th, 2008 by Daniel

This was a 2-man raid containing myself and Buff. We logged onto PIRATES TSRP to see 22+ people ready to be buttfucked by Gay Glenn.

We began the raid like we usually do by running around and laying low, trying to get a feel for how the server is run and to see if there were any admins on so we wouldn’t get banned. To our fantastic surprise, there were no admins on. This is when we seized the moment to begin the raid.

There were 3 known DMers running around Mecklenburg: T P Wizzle, Paco Sanchez, and some other faggot that nobody cares about. The server was in a huff when they were going around DMing and so the Senior Officer got a warrant for their arrest and the whole server began to gang up on them. We blended in to the crowd by running around and DMing any DMers we came by. The server was unphased because they thought we were helping, they thought we were part of the Prepubescent Anti-DM Squad.

Two of the three DMers left and the server began to celebrate. Several people went into the 1337 tower elevator including myself and Buff. We were gonna go to the roof and celebrate our victory. Four people entered the 1337 tower elevator including myself and Buff. As soon as the door closed, the only noises you could hear were the sounds of people getting the shit beat out of them. As the elevator arrived at its destination, the doors opened and gun shots began to fly out of nowhere. The people in the elevator got out as fast as they could with the exception of one person, who I promptly beat the shit out of.

The server had a temporary crash, but only for about 10 seconds. We got back on the server and the people involved in the 1337 Tower elevator massacre hadn’t begun to care about the incident. We all retried our efforts to get to the top of the 1337 tower to have a fuckin’ hoot and holler contest. 4 People got into the elevator again, except Buff didn’t make it up this time. I beat the shit out of everyone on the elevator and walked out relatively unharmed. Buff then realized that this was fuckin’ epic so he joined in to kill whoever got into the elevator.

Whoever entered the elevator swiftly died as our kicks of righteous fury met their face. We continuously pulled Assasin’s Creed-like maneuvers as we waited atop some lights above the exit of the elevator. People would exit the elevator expecting to see a party and banners and shit and would instead cry out in confusion as they got Kung-Fu’d.

We saw this as an opportune moment to addorn our Gay Glenn armor, and we wore it with pride. As soon as our names were changed, we went onto the streets and beat the shit out of everything and anything that dared to move. Gay Glenn’s terrorized the streets and people began to cry out in “What the fucks!?” and “Gay Glenn is Gay!”

There was a moment where the server seemed to have won when a cop cuffed me. He was about to send me to jail when Buff jumped in front of me and got jailed instead. Once Buff’s sacrifice was over, the cop thought that he had gotten me and went running to the PD to go check up on me. I was cuffed but I was promptly killed so I became uncuffed. The cop went in to check on Buff but since Buff was jailed without being cuffed, he beat the shit out of the cop and the PD was under coplet lockdown. The cop went in to try and retake the PD but once he opened the door me and Buff jumped him and killed him. We went back to the streets right after.

Gay Glenns were being extremely successful until the Pancho Krew decided to show up and try and be gay like us. They failed miserably. When they saw that they were failing, they tried to plant a decoy trap by saying that WE were the ones who “Can’t DM Like da Pancho Krew” After they said this, me and Buff swiftly gave them a gay kick to the gay face.

The Pancho Krew left crying and Gay Glenns began to terrorize once again. I took over the gunshop by myself against 10 people and Buff was out running away from faggots and a gay cop. The people in the server began to all put on their names “[Anti-DM Squad]” They became extremely organized and put all their might together to stop the rush of Gay Glennery.

Buff then changed HIS name to add “[Anti-DM Squad]” and promptly kicked the shit out of people of the gunshop. One of the members of this elite squad promptly cried in a fist full of rage yelled in Out-Of-character “Don’t trsut the glenns”. Then no one trusted us ever again.

We left soon after, but we left knowing that we caused extreme havoc and disarray on a server that will never regain control of its RP roots.

Happy 1st year of Dethklan, MARCH 21! COME TO THE FORUMS ON THAT DAY FOR A SURPRISE


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Pancho Krew Tottally Pwned us!$!$! LoL!

March 16th, 2008 by Dr. Gay Glenn, PhD, CEO, KBE, Esq.

1f yOU WnAnA GET OwnEd By FELlAs, thEn tAlk tO thE PAnchO KrEw, thEy ArE thE mOst bAdAss JUGGALOs KrEw tO h1t TSRP! ThEy tOttAllly pwnEd GAy GlEnn ggbA1xx

Note: If you hear anything about the Pancho Krew, you won’t.

They found a TSRP server of Gay Glenns and tried their hardest to sap any attention that Gay Glenn already recieved and tried to be the best around. Sort of like in TF2, when a spy saps your sentry? Well, instead of it working… It failed, miserably. Once an admin comes on, they run like fucking pansies, while we are fighting the fight of our lives. Really, I don’t care if I am banned to where you can go and DM.



War is Hell

March 13th, 2008 by Dr. Gay Glenn, PhD, CEO, KBE, Esq.

This raid started out pretty standard. Today we have BagOfGlass, I and our new member Ross. We were attacking a few different servers so we were at 2 places in different times. What we did is go onto the server spawn explosive barrels and talk about how War is Hell as the server lags from all of the explosions.

We would target people, bases, contraptions and anything flammable. So we geared up and went onto battlefield gm_construct.

First we started with Duplications of 3-5 barrels all welded together to spawn and spam 5 barrels each click. Once we hit the prop limit, we let the bullets go flying onto the barrels to make them start a chain reaction and they all explode all around.

First server, I keptsaying WAR IS HELL as I am sailing through with noclip and I place barrels everywhere. Count that with BagOfGlass’ and Ross’ and you got 3x 5 barrels per 0.25 seconds. That’s about 60 barrels being thrown around per second. Heavy lag and many peopel were gathering around the barrels to witness it being exploded.

BagofGlass kept being killed by his own Barrels and still pulled out like a trooper. Ross was noclipping throwing barrels around and so was I.

This all happened until a guy named J-A-C-K had his 357 handy and fought back by shooting us dead. He camped in one of the corners of the map and I hid and waited until he was occupied so I could sneak-spawn some barrels his way.

I looked up and he was reloading. I yelled on mic CHHHHHHHHHHARGE and ran down rapid-shooting my barrels down to where he was. He finished reloading to look up and seeing a brave trooper and the metal being stacked on his base for ultimate destruction. He saw my character bouncing around and shot to kill me. Yet, it was too late and one of the barrels were on fire.

Any person defending his base would bail out when the going gets tough, like now. No J-A-C-K went down with his base and blew to Smithereens. What a fucking trooper.

Now, this went on for at least 5 minutes. BagofGlass disconnected for reasons unknown, Ross made a cannon that shot explosives dead on and I was still charging like a trooper. Everything was fine until someone stepped in… the admin. He was pretty much blind of what was happening in the corner because he ragdolled Ross for “shooting” that took place ages ago.

I thought to myself “lol what” and picked up my dear old friend and ran into the white room screaming “I GOT YOU MAN, WE WILL MAKE IT!” The admin didn’t follow us. He soon got unragdolled. J-A-C-K asked for a minute to make his base so I agreed…

We waited and planned a bit until time was nearly up. I counted down from 3. Whent he minute was finally up, “GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!” and we rushed J-A-C-K’s fort once more. He put up a dumb roof and I still got through. Ross was manning his cannon until we got banned for 5 minutes.

What a battle, we won it but NOT THE WAR!

Later we went into Server #2. There was already something happening, apparently some guy trapped some guy’s boat in a dumpster and he was butthurt. Ross and I hid and waited for the right time to strike. The guy’s dumpster disappeared but he respawned it and trapped it again. The guy bitched so much that the guy he wanted out timed out because his internet was like “fuck it” and quit.

That’s when we struck. We shot into noclip mode and went to where this dumb boat was and spawned shitloads of barrels around. We shot them and ran away real fast. Barrels blew up and whoever owned the boat got in it spotted us and shot his gay turrey at us.

We were under heavy fire and hid until the firing stopped. Once it did we noclipped again and aimed at the boat to blow it up. The guy got pissed and left, his boat disappeared and there was one guy left. That fight was over until we needed to blow more shit up.

The guy was planning Dumpsters to throw upon us so we’d be trapped. His plan fails because we have noclip. Yet, we fought against him. He used his dumpsters as shields and also a way to push us and the barrels. We got him about 3 times until he got pissed and left. But before he left, someone else joined but was aware of us.

When he left, the guy still on already build a base and hid underwater. Our only weakness to the barrels… water. So we waited until he came back from the depths of the water to rush and explode him. He ran back into the water to hide.

The guy who left came back. We got our barrels ready and we threw at him rushed at him until………….

My computer crashed.

Well, damn, till next time folks.



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